whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
