Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize
