Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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