please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
