Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
