NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
