im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize