That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
