I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
