ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Found your dick twin last night
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
