she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
