I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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