I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
