i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
