Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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