Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Pants are for mortals
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
