he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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