Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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