The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
