Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
