Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
