I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
