I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
