I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
My vagina just recognized that song.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
