Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize