If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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