my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
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