Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
