I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
