Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize