What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
