its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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