Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
