Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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