Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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