I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
