You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
