I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
