wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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