he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Randomize
