Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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