So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
