where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
