I wish my penis had an off switch
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
