I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
