You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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