im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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