my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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