that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Randomize
