Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Randomize
