we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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