I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
