I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
