I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
