Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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