Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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