Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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