I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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