I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
