i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
