I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Randomize
