Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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