I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
