official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
