Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
