East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
