Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
