he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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