I want to have your abortion
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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