You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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