He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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