: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
