did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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