I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
