our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
