you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
