I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
