you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
