She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
