I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
