my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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