i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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