he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
It's just like the Real World with babies
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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