ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
