is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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