3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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