Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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