i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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