I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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