When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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