Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
How's work?
Spinning.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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