i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize