She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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