Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
