Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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