Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
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