T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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