he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
