Sry I called you an 8
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize