You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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